If you whack, crack, still love your Diamondbacks, but would rather stay away from Chase Field, we present today a virtual way of cheering on our statewide baseball team. Why bother even look ahead, I’m sure this war’s been wo-CRACK (Obavva) I’m whaacking, I’m cracking, I’m caving in your head. Where the fuck is that doofus to whom I am sadly w-CRACK. Come on just let me turn back, can’t you tell we’re under atta-CRACK. Give love to my kids and wife, clearly I don’t value my l-CRACK.
I’m writing you today sitting on a pillow for some reasons I will now relate. I stopped by a friend’s house yesterday and well-he is something of a reprobate and we did toss down a few afternoon beers. I went home and the phone rang-it was “la Jefa” (boss in Spanish) all right.
“You haven’t BEEN DRINKING already have you?” she demanded. “Well, uh, yeah…” “YOU RASCAL!” (never been called that before!) “You’re getting the PADDLE and I don’t think you are going to like it…” “Yeah, yeah right sweety-look I’m really not in the mood and…” “Click,” she hung up on me. I pushed the threat to the back of my mind and went online. A few hours later she pushed in the door. “Into the bedroom NOW!” she barked (I do believe she has been talking to other gals at work who are into this). “Look-I’m really not in the mood and…”
She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me across the house and into the bedroom. Next she pulled the wooden terror from the drawer and laid it across our official “husband spanking chair.” In a fluid motion she then jacked my jeans and jockeys down below my knees and pulled me across her lap in a vise like grip.
“CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!” the wood sang-she was definitely not out to tickle my fancy this time around! I can read her moods by the connection she makes on my butt cheeks and this mood read like “red hot ANGER!” “CRACK! SMACK! WHACK!” the rain of fire continued as I found myself bucking like a rodeo horse.
“OW! (smack!) Easy baby!”
“Don’t (pack!) baby me! (smack) Let’s see (WHACK!) is this (Whack!) gets through your (Whack!) thick MAN Skull (Smack!)! NO… (WHACK!!) DRinking.(KERAACK!!) IN…(WHACKK!!) the after.(SNACKKK!) noon! (WHukAK!) Do you (SMACK!) hear me? (WAACK!)
She was laying it on heavier than ever before and I was doing the mystery dance all right – could not break free though what with her vise like hand pressing down the small of my back and my now deeply ingrained sense of obedience to her higher authority.
“I’m sorry, (CRACK!) IT won’t (Crack!) OW! Happen AGAIN (CRACK) OW!” SHE has yet to get me blubbering but I believe I was close yesterday as I squirmed under the merciless wooden justice. “The strap!” I gasped at one point, “Can you please just use the strap?!”
Whack Crack I Love My Diamondbacks Song
“CRACK!! CRACKK!! CRACK!!” came the answer in a redoubled fury (“Holy Terror” is right!)
For a while she rested her arm while calmly lecturing me on the importance of preserving my health. Then she resumed laying on the finishing swats with a fury that left me breathless and gasping.
So all you bad boys are there – take a lesson from me-don’t do anything that will really piss your Disciplinary Wife off! You might get more than you bargained for! You can bet I won’t be dropping over to my reprobate friend’s any time soon! Bruised, welted and swollen, but wiser I guess.